...this Dance called Life!

A year after

2011-03-30T07:12:00.000-07:00

Today is approximately one year since I left LA. Given the major change associated with the move, I feel that it is only right to review what had happened in the last year.

So, here I am, one year later, in sunny Singapore. I can't believe it's been one year. It feels as if it was only yesterday I had korean BBQ right across the street from my old apt. I used to hate the way I smell coming back from a Korean BBQ, but I can almost smell its sweet savory scent right now, and it smells so good. Yes, I miss Korean BBQ.

Oh how I miss LA. Being a lazy ass, I still have a couple boxes of my things from LA that haven't been unpacked. Mainly books (I have too many books). But when I open those boxes, I can still smell my old apartment. My books smell like my old apartment. I miss my old tiny studio. I miss its hardwood floors. I definitely don't miss the bad water. I miss my small kitchen. All I'm left with are the memories of the time I spent there, the memories of the time I spent in LA.

But looking back, moving away was the right thing. I needed the change. It was not easy. It was difficult. So so difficult. But I had to do it. Mostly for my sanity. I was really unhappy. And those who know me knew that in the beginning of 2010 I just wasn't myself. I was completely a different person. I really don't want to be that sad depressed person ever again. It was really scary how I could not even help myself. Comparing the me now to the me then, I can happily say that I'm back to my old normal, crazy, random, joyful self. I'm loving what I do.

I'm actually extremely busy. My schedule is pretty much the same as my Big 4 auditor schedule. On average 10 - 12 hours days. 6 days a week. Sometimes, 7 days a week. I have mostly physical pain. Definitely no more mental pain. I couldn't believe how much exhausting the mental pain was. I am really passionate in what I do. The feeling of being able to believe in what you do and having a reason to do it was just priceless. I still can't believe I could go so long doing things that didn't mean anything to me. I remember having a sick feeling everyday after work. I remember that sick feeling of calling the clients to talk about issues. I still can't believe all the politics I had to go through. I had to effin hide under my desk on my last day at the client just because my boss didn't really tell the true story of why I'm leaving. How ridiculous was that?

Anyway, back to my life now. Life is good. except for the fact that I can't make money (or more like I have no time to make money). I'm healthy and happy. Met lotss of amazing people. Made lots of amazing friends. Although I miss all of my friends back in LA a lot! I miss the kind of jokes I do with them. The randomness. And all the stupid things we did.

I'm still very much single. Not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I guess both. Bad because, well, I'm single. It's really time to date again. Good because I probably need a break after a 5-year relationship. Anthony, if you read this, I do miss you. It's impossible not to miss someone that you spent years with. I really hope you're doing well dude :). But yes, back to my point of being single, if you know a good bachelor out here on the land of the lions, do let me know ;).

So yeah, those of you in LA has been asking when I'm coming back. Honestly I don't know. I don't know when I am going to be able to visit (i'm broke). But in terms of going back to live there, probably not anytime soon (or probably not ever?). I honestly don't know what the future beholds but all I know is that my next few years will be here, dancing my life away and getting many many more bruises :).

emotions

2010-12-02T05:01:00.000-08:00

..you know one of those days when you just have so much emotions in you but you can't let it out. And as a result you wish you can just ... cry? Well i'm having one of those right now.

Singapore

2010-09-21T05:22:00.000-07:00

When I left LA almost 6 months ago, as I said good bye to friends, I told each one of them "don't worry, the world is getting smaller". When I reached Singapore, I felt that I was so far away from them. The world is actually very vast. And then I thought, here I am in Singapore, stuck on this tiny island, figuring out the next step of my life.

When I left Singapore 10 years ago, after living here for two years, I told myself that I probably would think hundred of times before I ever lived here again. My time here in the two years were very memorable, ... and miserable at the same time. I thought that I could not stand the people because they were impolite and they were so kiasu. I could not stand how everyone was so selfish. I hated that people were not courteous.

But all that changed. As I visited Singapore during my vacations, I started to like the country more and more. This tiny island is actually one pretty amazing chilli padi. Now that I'm working on a whole production based on how people get to Singapore, I started to see the country in a completely new way. I started to see the people of Singapore in a new way. Most of the people here probably have ancestors that come from the surrounding area; China, Indonesia, Malaysia, etc. And most of them have one common thread of why they come to Singapore: to make a better living, to have a better life.

So this tiny island is actually a place of hope for a lot of people, including myself. With our hopes, we come to singapore, form communities and make this place our home. It might not be as green as the place we came from. It might not be as cold as the place we come from. It's small and hot, and it has crazy rains. The older people are still very kiasu and selfish. But as we take something from Singapore in pursue of our hopes and dreams, we also give something back to Singapore. Our culture, our customs, our stories.. and because of that, the Singapore culture continually evolves around the people that come and go. I think the Singapore today is different from the Singapore I came to 11 years ago.

I'm so glad that I gave Singapore another chance. This is as close to home as I can imagine. I love my days here, especially because all of the people I interact with every day. I'm building my little nest here and filling it with more hopes and dreams. And I hope I will leave something behind for this tiny island.

Exhaustion

2010-09-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

It's week 6 of school and I can feel the exhaustion creeping in. I had full night sleep last night but I woke up still feeling tired. My body is physically tired when my mind is still up and running. But the body is dragging the mind down. So now it's 9 PM and I feel like passing out. I am so tired. Thank goodness for lebaran weekend. I am not celebrating it but I'm truly thankful for I can wind down and relax a bit.

But anyway, school is really exciting. Despite the exhaustion, I'm really excited for things that are coming up! First, I'll be dancing as a passistas for the convocation samba performance. I hope the costume won't be too revealing. Second, the foundation performance is shaping up (although I don't know how the hell we are going to finish everything in uhm.. 2 weeks??!!). Thirdly, so many great shows are coming and I'm going to see them. Last night I saw the theatre students playing Eurydice and it was sooo soo gooood. There's Putnam County spelling bee next week and I can't wait to see it!! I absolutely love being in an art school :).

In other matter, the heart is starting to go crazy again. I think I'm longing for some attention. The lack of one causes one's mood to go down the drain. Sigh, I think I need a drink. I think I got a jetlag.

Happy Saturday

2010-08-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

Good morning, world!
I wanted to wake up late this Saturday, but my body automatically woke me up at 7 :(. Hahaha well I passed out at 10 i think. I was so tired and my body was aching all over. But I wouldn't trade this for anything!

Anyway, I am feeling hopelessly romantic today for some reasons. So, I'm rediscovering some love songs on my iTunes and this (below) popped up! One of my fav classics. Anyway, happy Saturday and may your day filled with love :).

"It's not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me
Oh no
It's just the nearness of you
It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation
Oh no
It's just the nearness of you

When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams came true
I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you would only grant me the right
to hold you ever so tight
And to feel in the night
The nearness of you"

Sense of belonging

2010-08-02T06:15:00.000-07:00

Today, I finally started my first class as a dance student. Last night I couldn't get much sleep. Mostly it was anxiety and excitement all combined. Excitement because I'm finally doing what I'm doing. Anxiety because even until yesterday I wasn't sure if I was making the right decision. When I signed my acceptance letter for the school, I think I signed it with one eye closed. I knew that I wanted to dance, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it to satisfy my emotion or because I really wanted to do it. I think the thing that made me question everything was the hard work that I know I had to put in.

Now that I had my first day of class, I have to say, I really think the dance classes were alright. I mean they were good; they gave me the skills and technicality that I need and I'm lacking, but like I said, they are mostly hard work and they make my body sore. Besides, for the classes I just had to follow some routines, and they don't exactly make me jump in joy.

All that changes when my performance project "class" started. It was a collaborative class between all the performing arts (dance, music, theatre), and in the next few weeks, we are going to put together a performance. We had discussions... long discussions of the topic we are going to have and the director came with this concept that I absolutely love and at that moment, I remembered why I wanted to do this in the first place.

I love love love the process of creating a performance. I love the conceptual discussions. I love the brainstorming. Yes, it will be frustrating working with a lot of different people, but the end result will be so amazing that all the arguing and frustration will be worth it. I cannot wait to choreograph something for the performance. I absolutely love performing and being on stage inside a theatre.

And like I said to my ballet instructor today, I want to dance because I want to perform and inspire people.
And today I was reminded why in the first place I love the performing arts so much. I finally got that sense of belonging. I belong in the process, in the theatre, on the stage. And now I know I made the right decision.

..

2010-05-07T05:43:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I'm cranky because of lack of exercise. My doctor is telling me to not exercise for a week. Oh dear. this will be a long week.

And here I am...

2010-04-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

..approximately 2 weeks after I left the States. Has it been that short? It felt so long. I'm starting to miss all of my friends in the States. But here I am, in Singapore. After quitting my job, in pursue of a better career path. And what have I done in these past 2 weeks you ask? Well I've actually been very busy. Running errands with my mom. Continuously searching for the right major and the right school. Everything has been so busy and time consuming. You may wonder why someone who just quit her job because of among other reasons, felt like she had been overworked, decided to right away busied herself with a million other things to do once she quit? Well, I don't know why, but I just went with the flow. And at that moment, the flow was a strong currents of things to do. So I did them.

But here I am, after spending half of my day auditioning for dance at Lasalle. The first time I did audition for anything. And I ended up getting in (unofficially currently). And here I am, injured my lower back yet again. It seems like this is the price I have to pay for pursuing my dreams. And I'm again in deep thoughts of whether I should pursue this passion of mine. Should I just jump in and give my heart what it wants, despite all its risks, despite what everyone else told me?

Questions, questions, questions, my minds are filled with questions.

But I'm tired. Tired of doing something, tired of looking for something, and tired of questioning things.
So tonight, I"m taking a break (I have to anyway, since I can barely move). I'm taking a break. Listening to my music, drinking wine, and reading a book. I didn't realize how much I missed listening to my iTunes after only two weeks of not doing so. So I'm letting the wine does its thing, relaxing my mind. I'm letting my mind absorbs the words in my book, and I'm letting all the questions to go away, ...until tomorrow..

2010-04-10T08:39:00.001-07:00

What is my destiny?

Turn It Off

2010-03-17T16:02:00.000-07:00

I love Paramore and this song. The more I listen to the lyrics, the more I feel that it reflects how I felt a couple of months ago, or even a few months before my depression. I guess this is for my friends at my firm who may feel the same way. To them, do not despair, you can be in control of your own life and things will get better :). And I do actually believe that I'm better off when I hit the bottom.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Turn It Off

I scraped my knees while I was praying
And found a demon in my safest haven
Seems like it's getting harder to believe in anything
Than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts

I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
I'll turn it off, in all my spite
In all my spite, I'll turn it off

And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall
I will realize I'm better off
When I hit the bottom

The tragedy, it seems unending
I'm watching everyone I looked up to break and bending
We're taking shortcuts and false solutions
Just to come out the hero

Well, I can see behind the curtain
(I can see it now)
The wheels are cranking, turning
It's all wrong, the way we're working
Towards a goal that's non-existent
It's not existent, but we just keep believing

And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall
I will realize I'm better off
When I hit the bottom

I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
I'll turn it off, in all my spite
In all my spite, I'll turn it off
Just turn it off
Again, again, again

:)

2010-03-09T16:22:00.001-08:00

Things are slowly looking up. I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just gotta be patient.

reflection

2010-01-24T18:57:00.000-08:00

i used to write lengthy entries in these virtual pages.
i used to read hundreds of pages of books.
i used to observe people, their behaviors, their relationships with others.
i used to paint.
i used to dance.
i used to do a lot of things.

looking back to last year, i was changing slowly. 2009 was such a rollercoaster ride. so many things happened. good and bad. fun and not so fun.

in the last few days, i've been reflecting a lot.
i've been looking back to the past, wondering at what point I did I become so unhappy?
it seems impossible that I became so depressed over a short period of time.

in the last few days, i've been getting in touch with my own feelings.
accepting every single one I'm experiencing. and trying to find its source. slowly mending it little by little.

things are getting better. i'm taking baby steps, one day at a time.
i'm telling myself to be brave, to have faith and make the changes i need to make.
and giving myself the love that i deserve.

2010-01-23T19:45:00.001-08:00

This is a new beginning of my life...

Precious life

2009-12-05T11:12:00.001-08:00

I have spent many times wondering what death feels like. After we depart from our physical bodies, can we still feel and observe the other physical bodies we left behind. Or are we going to a different plain that our minds can't understand. Or are we just going to stop existing completely.... Literally being terminated. If that's the case, where do the life we lived go?

I just lost another grandpa. Although he is not an immediate grandpa, he was someone that had a part in my life. Going through death is never an easy thing. This time, it just reminds me more of my grandpa who passed away earlier this year. I miss him more than before.

So going back to the question, after we passed away, what happens to all the things we did when we were alive. Well they remain as memories for the people we left behind. I am reminded of the importance of caring and loving other people. Because when it's all over, I want to create amazing memories for those I love and care.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

At the aftermath of a bloodbath

2009-11-12T00:12:00.000-08:00

"It is only the dead who have seen the end of war"

-Plato

...more brutality faces the future of the survivors.

How Hot is this commercial!

2009-11-04T19:30:00.000-08:00

Kate Moss + Depeche Mode song + dark lighting
..makes me want to smell the fragrance.

I'm ready

2009-10-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

You know the feeling when you see something and you think you can do it so much better?
Well I have that feeling. And I'm ready to let it grow, pursue it, and embark on my next unknown journey to get there. Yet, there are still so many things to think about and holding me back. At the same time, the hatred of my unchanging mundane environment is growing very slowy, second by second. It is getting harder and harder to make myself sit here and accept what I'm doing when I'm so restless to change things, make things, and learn new things and to know I can do so much better than this.

I'm so ready to get out of this place.

Cloudy Monday

2009-10-12T21:35:00.001-07:00

LA doesn't feel the same when it's cloudy. Its been only 3 days of cludy and my body already protesting. It doesn't agree with this cloudy weather. Maybe I should've gotten that flu shot. Right now echinacea, vitamin c, and airborne are my best friends. At least I got big bang theory to make me feel better.

please be warm tomorrow.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2009-09-30T22:08:00.000-07:00

Many times we spend most of our energy on trivial things such as our appearance and looks and petty dramas in our lives. Yet there are so many other things that are much bigger than ourselves, such as nature and people's lives.

I would encourage you to spend your energy towards the tragedy that just hit Indonesia, Phillipines, and the American Samoa island. A little help can go a long way.

God bless us all.

Three Words

2009-09-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, three simple words like "You are beautiful" can change your day.

Spread the love. This world will be a much better place.

past.present.future.great past.

2009-09-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

No one knows what the future holds but if you don't spend time to think and plan it, it will be the past without realizing it and you left wondering what could have happened. I need to think about my present and My future so it will be a great past in the future.

The exodus

2009-09-01T13:14:00.000-07:00

The New York Times wrote an article about Facebook Exodus (you can read it here). It discusses what effects Facebook has on its user and how small yet noticeable amount of people are fleeing it.

I agree that there's a slippery slope once you joined that causes you to tumble down the slope into the obsession hole where you spend hours a day stalking other people's lives. And I have to admit I've been down that slippery slope. But I have realized it's effects. I'm determined that from now on I'll stop stalking people and I'll prevent it from stalking my life. It will be none other than a way to communicate to my friends. (And maybe to check on my brother and sister ;p, but that's it!).

I'm determined to go back to the simple life where I don't always know what my friends up to and actually write an email to say hi and find out what they're up to... the Life where I actually spend time to read a book instead of staring at my facebook screen all day.

What do you think?

Cyberattack on Twitter and Facebook

2009-08-06T22:04:00.001-07:00

..hmmm.. let's see
I don't know how I feel about that.

On one hand I think it's dumb compared to other cyber attacks because you don't get anything valuable. I mean it's not like the Department of Defense database that got attacked here.
But the more I think about it, I think it is VERY SCARY because people put A LOT of private information on facebook. From phone numbers to pictures that can be very good blackmail materials.

.. so congratulations you cyberattacker.
whatever your objective was, i'm sure you've achieved it.
And you made most people 'lost' because they couldn't tweet about what they were doing for hours.

good job.

i need romance

2009-08-05T22:44:00.000-07:00

"I can be romantic.. I just chose not to.
Besides aren't we kind of past that stage?"

No, honey,
every girl is different, but you're dealing with a romantic one.
I think it's the no.1 mistake guys make to think that romance is only necessary in the beginning.
I believe that romance keeps relationships alive.

i don't want $50 bouquet of roses. i don't like roses that much anyway.
but one flower that you picked from a bush somewhere on the street, would probably made my day.

i think diamonds and jewelries are nice.
but i never want them and I never ask for them.
one of my favorite jewelry that I've ever gotten is a plastic ring with a skull on it.
i wore it with pride and a silly grin. too bad it broke after wearing it twice.

I think a trip to paris would be nice too.
but I would be fine with a trip to the park.
one of my favorite trip was an afternoon spent at seal beach just laying down under the sun.

I do love food and I think fine dining is excellent.
and I have to admit I can be a food snob.
but my favorite meal was a simple meal you cooked at my place
when i was stressing out trying to complete my program that is due the next morning.

i don't want material things.
i want attention, care, romance, appreciation, and gifts that come from the heart.

take me to a picnic at the park with your own homemade sandwiches and a bottle of champagne.
take me to a walk at the beach and end the night playing stupid silly games at the santa monica promenade.
take me to the neighborhood fair at night and ask me to ride the ferris wheel with you.
come up with stupid little board game and let me win when we play it.
wake me up early to see sunrise.
make me stay late to see sunset.
celebrate valentine's day just because i love valentine's day even though you think it's a stupid hallmark holiday
take me to the observatory to see the stars.
and tell me how much you love me.
and that you'll take care of me.
make me feel like a girl.
chase after me like i've chased you.
sweep me off my feet

and i'll be yours.

wondering.

2009-07-31T22:02:00.000-07:00

i wonder if
i wonder when
i wonder why
i wonder how

and again, more than anything else, why.

sometimes i wish i have all the answers.

Today We Mourn

2009-07-16T21:39:00.000-07:00

I don't understand how people can be so cruel.
To end lives of others easily. For what? For the glory of God? God doesn't teach you to kill innocent people!
I don't know who had the sick mind in the beginning to start teaching that killing brings one eternal glory in the heaven above. And I don't know who have the sick mind to believe such teachings in the first place.
But there are people who believe.

And the world have to be the victims.

There were 4 bombs exploded within less than 4 hours in Jakarta, Indonesia today.
3 of the bombs exploded in two major hotels; JW Marriott and the Ritz Carlton.
one bomb exploded on a toll gate.
all had casualties. So far about 11 died and many others injured.

Deepest condolences to the victims and the families they left behind.
My prayers for all of them.
And my prayers goes to all the sick mind out there,..
One day I will wish that God will forgive you, and may you realized one day that this all is really wrong.
But today let me be a human, and wish all of the terrorists who did all these bombing burn in hell.

In Memoriam

2009-06-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

I still get goosebumps. It feels like the news has not sinked in yet. I feel like I still need to pay my tribute somehow.
Loosing the King is like loosing part of my childhood. And I'm sure a LOT other people are with me on this one.
As weird as he is, as troubled as he is. He was parts of our lives at some point. We lost a legend. But his legacy shall continue. His moves, his music, his message of integration, peace, love, and one world shall continue.

Rest in Peace Michael. We love you.
[August 19, 1958 - June 25, 2009]

Denting

2009-06-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

Denting yang berbunyi dari dinding kamarku
sedarkan diriku dari lamunan panjang
Tak terasa malam kini semakin larut
Ku masih terjaga

Sayang kau dimana aku ingin bersama
Aku butuh semua untuk tepiskan rindu
Mungkinkah kau disana merasa yang sama
Seperti dinginku di malam ini

Rintik gerimis mengundang kekasih di malam ini
Kita menari dalam rindu yang indah
Sepi ku rasa hatiku saat ini oh sayangku
Jika kau disini aku tenang

-Melly Goeslaw

*kangen rumah*

Cycle of Existence

2009-06-23T23:00:00.000-07:00

It takes effort to wake up every morning with a positive attitude.
It takes a lot of courage to admit one's inability and embrace criticism.
It takes motivation and perseverance to complete a task.
It takes faith to believe there will be fruits at the end of a hard labor.
At the end of the day, we do it all for existence.
To receive recognition, accolades, respect, love, and other positive responses that we digest again to fuel the effort, courage, motivation, and faith.
To continue the cycle and confirm our existence in this society.

Coming in theatres Sepbember 25, 2009

2009-06-21T22:15:00.000-07:00

FAME

Check the full trailer at Imdb:
here

Or the short version here:

Enjoy.
I can't wait.

Remember my name. I'm gonna make it forever..

Today

2009-06-20T12:25:00.000-07:00

I feel like...

...writing
...dancing
...taking some pictures (but my new toys are not here yet)
...emo
...being sentimental
...transforming my apartment
...not working although i'm supposed to
...clearing all the clutters in the apartment
...frozen yogurt
...making art (painting & drawing)

Crystal Ball

2009-06-19T22:06:00.000-07:00

I wish I have a crystal ball.
So I can see what's going to happen in the future.
Where am I going to end up.
So I don't have to go through life's ups and downs
Just to find out what's going to happen at the end.

But then what's the fun in that right?
Pain and sadness can be as fun as Good feeling and happiness
in a weird morale way
So I guess I'll just stick with this thing called Life..
and enjoy the ride.

Oh Media.

2009-06-14T11:05:00.001-07:00

Can we stop with discussing Adam Lambert's sexual preference please???
I don't understand why people go crazy saying that he has came out now. He was never in the closet! I don't think he ever hid anything or try to act or pretend that he's straight. And besides, I think it WAS OBVIOUS!
Just stop it already. It's annoying.

And his sexual preference does not affect his singing ability. And he is a damn good singer. So lay it off already!

The Life of a Woman

2009-06-10T21:37:00.001-07:00

I have recently been reconnected to a lot of childhood friends through the power of Facebook. And I have managed to catch up with them for a little bit. In Indonesia, a lot of my female friends have gotten married. Some of them have been blessed with their own children. And when I asked what most of them have been doing lately, what a lot of them do is to join the family/ husband's business, waiting on the family-owned stores in the suburb cities. And my heart always breaks a little when I hear that.

Why? Because I grew up with these women, and I know that they are all smart, beautiful, and very talented. And a part of me thinks that it's such a waste to take the kind of education that we were given and all the talents that they have, just to wait on a store. I feel that they have easily fallen to the stereotype of the traditional image of women. It angers me sometimes when I asked women of my age what they wanted to do after college and getting answer of "getting married, what else?". What else? You can do WHATEVER you want, darlings. Life is full of possibilities. And to kill your dreams and to fall into the traditional role that easily is unacceptable. And it angers me even more if I hear guys talking of how they expect their wives to just stay at home and take care of the children and nothing else.

There has always been a feminist side within me. I feel that our [women's] fight for emancipation continues every day. And that's why I feel that all women should take all the opportunities.. all the paths that have been paved by the heroines in the past (i.e. Pocahontas, Ibu Kartini, Rosa Parks, Oprah), and live their dreams. And I for one, is the type of person who will try to fight stereotypes and really live my life to the fullest.

Now that I have said all that, I would like to say that I'm mostly angry also because I do not have the courage to do what my friends have done at this young age. In addition to believing that women should do bigger and better things, I also believe that being a wife and a mother is the most honorable duties of being a woman. Sometimes, I am scared shitless of committing my life to one man and bearing children for that one man because I don't know if I can handle it. It is such a huge responsibility. And to finally say 'Yes' to all that will probably take me a few more years. I do understand that it's such a beautiful and honorable thing. But the same exact reason is what makes me afraid that I can't live up to the expectation.

So to every single one of you who chose the path of a housewives, who threw your dreams aside for the happiness of others, my uttermost respect goes to you. I cannot see myself doing that. To wait a store will probably be followed by having yours truly getting admitted to a mental hospital. So If you can do that and live in a small city, away from all the convenience and glitz, and still be happy, my hats off to you.

I wish in the next few years I have the courage to do some of that... To be able to give up some of my dreams and talents for the happiness of others. But this moment is my time. My time to shine as an individual, to be thirsty for more knowledge, and to show off what I can do. This is my time to fly as high as I am capable of and reach the stars. Because I know when the time comes to live with the love of my life/ future husband/ partner for life, I will voluntarily give up many of what I want for our lives and the lives of our children.

2009-06-07T21:26:00.000-07:00

i think there's a little bit too much estrogen in my life right now.
i need to inject a little dose of testosterone.
oh my guy friends where are you?

2009-06-04T22:30:00.000-07:00

there are more and more crimes and accidents and tragedies that happened lately.
let's make this world a better place to live.

boys & girls

2009-06-03T22:30:00.001-07:00

boys will be boys

but sometimes boys become girls
and girls become manly girls

and girls can always be all (women, boys, men)
depending on the hormones

Oh Jason Mraz

2009-06-01T17:05:00.000-07:00

How can you not love someone who can turn Blitzkrieg Bop to such a beautiful ballad.

Humans

2009-05-27T22:04:00.002-07:00

I think God definitely has an interesting way of thinking.
He created humans to be very unique. One human has completely different personalities from another.
Yet, we are made to mate and procreate.
Despite the uniqueness and differences, we are also created with the amazing ability to love a completely different being and become so attached to him/her.

I've gotten attached to my person. But right now, our differences and uniqueness triumphs over the love.

"Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you.
You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan.
Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around;
Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."
-- Grey's Anatomy

At least I've said it many times. And at least I we've both said it to each other many times.
I believe this is not the end. It's just the beginning to many more splendid things.

This is why I'll be tuning to Glee this fall

2009-05-27T22:04:00.001-07:00

2009-05-19T19:55:00.000-07:00

if one day i have kids, i don't think i'll ever do one of those major birthday celebration ala orang Indo. e.g. nyewa orang pake kostum barney/ dora, nyewa hall, and wah wahan. I mean I'm sure I'll love my kids to death, but what's the point if the kids won't remember any of it when they get older. It'll just be a waste of money. I'd rather have small meaningful celebration and actually have party once my kids are old enough and have enough friends to make it worth it to have something more extravagant.

Mama bilang...

2009-05-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

Mama bilang, pas aku Sec 4 di singapore ada test bakat. Hasilnya adalah:

1) Computer Science
2) Architecture
3) Marine Biology.. atau something kayak gitu.

Sekarang pertanyaannya, mengapa saya berakhir di sini?

Mama bilang, semua urusan kerjaan tetek bengek ku sekarang nggak ada apa2nya dibanding urusan2 lain yang bakal aku hadapin nanti ke depan.

Lalu kenapa walaupun tiap hari aku datang dengan sepenuh motivasi yang bisa aku kumpulkan, semuanya selalu hangus karena satu berita busuk baru.

Setiap hari saya pulang hanya untuk melepaskan satu lagi napas panjang. Berharap semuanya akan menjadi lebih baik. Berharap saya akan bertahan cukup lama untuk mempersiapkan langkah berikutnya. Rasanya ingin angkat tangan dan mengakui kekalahan dan penyerahan. Tapi itu artinya, saya bakal nganggur selama mungkin setahun, saya harus meninggalkan semua ini dan menjual semua perabotan dan kembali ke tanah air. .. Tapi setelah dipikir-pikir, semuanya itu jauh lebih baik jika dibandingkan dengan tetek bengek busuk ini.

Mama bilang, "kamu itu memang selalu grumpy. Coba jangan jadi Grumpy terus ya. Harus jadi Happy. Mama percaya kamu bisa."

Dan saya menarik napas panjang sekali lagi dan tersenyum.

"Working hard to get my fill, everybody wants a thrill.
Betting anything to roll the dice just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some are born to sing the blues.. oh the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on
...
Don't stop believing. Hold on to that feeling."
--Journey

My last day being 24

2009-05-10T22:39:00.000-07:00

It's about 1 hr till 5/11, which means I have 1 hr till I turn 25.
I will be a quarter century old.
Anthony many times told me that turning 21 is the top of your life, and after 21, you're over the hill. I completely disagree with this. I think my life really started when I turned 21. And now I'm still on top of the hill. And it will continue going uphill until I decide that it's over the hill.. which will be a long time from now.

What happened between 5/11/2008 and 5/11/2009
A lot. the last year had been a roller coaster..in personal life and in professional life.
Let's start with the exciting moments; I got to go to Bali with family. Did banana boat and parasailing. I went to beijing and had a blast. I fell in love with photography. I did skydiving. Got to go to mini trips to cool places like palm springs, coachella, and solvang. I reconnected with a lot of old friends and made a lot of new friends. Now some not so exciting time, I got a little depressed for a period of time.. mainly because I am not happy with what I'm doing. I had not dance as much as I'd like to, and I lost my dear grandpa. But overall, it had been a blessed year.

What's coming up
First of all, I'm so excited being 25. I don't think I've ever been this excited turning a certain age. I wasn't this excited turning 16 or 17. I wasn't this excited turning 21, but I really want to celebrate turning 25. I think it's one of the big milestones of my life. To be able to live this long and make it pretty decently so far is something to celebrate. I'm not the greatest person. I'm still a spoiled little girl who sometimes still refuses to grow up. I might have grown a little mature but far from having the wisdom that my parents have. Although I care a lot for others, I'm still a lot selfish. I have a long way to go. But I'm still 25, I still have time to make mistakes, to indulge, to give as much love as my heart can bear to every single person out there, and to try to get a little wisdom out of this crazy life.

So here's to the 25th year of my life.
Here's to more laughters and cries.
Here's to more loves and heart breaks.
Here's to less stupidity and more wisdom.
Here's to more appreciation of the simpler things in life.
Here's to future change in my life and more time to do what I love.

if God would be kind enough to give me as great of a life last year, I would be the luckiest person in the world.

To every single one of you who wished me a happy birthday and celebrated it with me, thank you. I love you all. Without you, my life would mean nothing. *hugs and kisses*

Angels & Demons

2009-05-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

image taken from IMP award

Director: Ron Howard
Actor: Tom Hanks & Ewan McGregor
Composer: Hans Zimmer (who is only one of the best composers out there!)
Based on one of the best books I've read.

I know I've said this many times before but.
I.CAN'T.WAIT!!!

Things that made me smile today :)

2009-05-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

1. mom. she always knows how to make me feel better. and she made me realize that i'm still very much a spoiled brat. still a long way to grow. <3 you ma.

2. bapak. nuf said. my old man is funny. <3 you too!

3. adit. Hahahaha.. bandel sih! miss you much!

4. dancing ala brit to love, sex, magic. hahaha.. JT always brings the sexy in me. HahaHAHAH.

5. no doubt performance on AI. CANT WAIT TILL SUMMER. I'M SEEING THEM AND PARAMORE LIIVEEEEEEEE!!!! Gwen still got it.

6. Anthony. for all the things he said. <3

7. Getting smiles from random guys on the road. Haha.

8. Knowing that I can finally get the camera I want. Mwahahaha.. I have the best parents in da world! Woot woot!!

Tomorrow is a brand new day. I'm ready to get out of this rut. Time to face the challenges. No more Grumpy. Happy's coming. I will survive. Yep. It was the right decision to take care of my health at home today.

2009-05-05T20:59:00.001-07:00

"Life would be easier if i had the source code"

Because sometimes I have to be reminded what life is about

2009-05-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

"Semua diawali dengan kalimat sama. Ini kisah perjalanan menemukan diri, yang di ujung ceritanya nanti, perjalanan itu pun masih belum selesai....
Om..."

"Hidup ibarat memancing di Kali Ciliwung. Kamu tidak pernah tahu apa yang akan kamu dapat: ikan, impun, sendal jepit, taik, bangkai, dan benda-benda ajaib lain yang tak terbayangkan. Dan nggak perlu dibayangkan. Jangan pernah tebak-tebakan dengan Ciliwung tentang isi perutnya. Terima kasih."

-- Taken from Supernova - Akar. By the beautiful Dee.

I desperately need to be inspired. I desperately need to create something. Before I get sucked into a deep dark corner again.

You know you're overworked when...

2009-04-30T00:19:00.000-07:00

....you're emailing your counselor back and forth starting at 11 PM all the way through past midnight, to discuss your yearly performance goals.. [instead of meeting face-to-face at more reasonable hours during the day]
... only to find out that the goals are archived and not editable 1 minute into the the date it is due... (and the email chain continues with my counselor emailing the HR person of why it was archived early.. )

.. great.

screw this. i'm going to sleep. my self review of my performance can wait. i've already put so much time away from work to complete all the admin work. I still have so much to do.

.. eugh. i need a drink.

=)

2009-04-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

SYTYCD is back on May 21!!! Woohoo!!!

..am gonna miss the first episode... but its okay.. there are more great ones to come!!!! Yeaaaayyy!!

2009-04-27T21:48:00.000-07:00

this is all just temporary.
it's not worth to stress over it.
one day this will be over.
and i will be where i belong.
doing things that i can honestly enjoy.
this is all just temporary.
this is all just temporary.
and this will last as long as i can bear it.

movies

2009-04-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

So.. this is a little late.. but it's another movie reviews!

Monsters vs. Aliens

.image borrowed from imp awards.

I haven't laughed this much from a cartoon lately.
Never before I fell in love with someone with no brains. Definitely a must watch.

Watchmen

.image borrowed from deadline hollywood daily.

Ok.. i know there's a complete opposite opinions regarding this movie. Some hate it, Some love it. And I completely love it. I heard the ending is different from the comic, but I love the ending in the movie. It really shows that being a "hero" is so relative. Love love love the movie. Not to mention to chance to see a perfect [blue] naked man body all throughout the movie. Hahah :).

Earth

.image borrowed from treehugger.

Oooohhh I loove this movie..
I want to quit my job and be a bird and travel the world.
This movie made me realize how small and detached from the rest of the world I am.

I've heard people said that this is like earth the series. But i haven't seen that.. so... for me, this movie is pretty spectacular.

Happy Easter Everyone!

2009-04-12T13:03:00.001-07:00

May your day be colorful!

f.r.i.e.n.d.s

2009-04-09T21:01:00.000-07:00

I'll never get tired of this group of Friends. They always manage to make me laugh.

I wanna buy the complete dvd set.

Counting Down

2009-04-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

It's 1/2 more day till Friday
..2 more days till Easter
..2 more days till I can drink and check my Facebook again
..8 more days till Coachella
..9 more days till hopefully a Swedish Massage and lounging by the pool.

I am EXCITED!!! Woohoo!!!

$#@!

2009-04-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

My foot cramped the last 5 minutes of my drive home!
If you ever tried to drive with a cramped right foot, it's REALLY HARD to do, especially when trying to make the cramp from getting worse!
WTF.
I thought i would never made it home.

Phishing

2009-04-01T22:07:00.001-07:00

With the current economic situation, people seems to be getting desperate on making a living.

In the last week, I've gotten 3 Phishing emails in my inbox.

For those of you who doesn't know what Phishing is, here's the definition:

The act of sending email that falsely claims to be from a legitimate organization. This is usually combined with a threat or request for information: for example, that an account will close, a balance is due, or information is missing from an account. The email will ask the recipient to supply confidential information, such as bank account details, PINs or passwords; these details are then used by the owners of the website to conduct fraud..

I received three from "Bank of America". When I read the email addresses, they came from these absurd yahoo email accounts.

And the last one came from PayPal, with also a weird email address.

So just beware when you receive these emails. Be very careful and pay extra attention where it came from so you won't end up a victim of Identity Theft.

2009-03-29T23:34:00.000-07:00

i've been slightly insomniac for the last 2 weeks.
all i want to do is to sleep normally and soundly.
my head hurts.

Observe & report

2009-03-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

This is a report of my observation as I wait for my bf this evening:

- the warner center marriot seems to be spared from the slow economy as it's having at least 2 conferences this weekend.
- I really don't care if celebrity tweets. That is useless info that I don't need to know. And since the nightly news has a coverage on what is Twitter plus a section on how to create ur own twitter, I'm really going to stop watching it. There are people dying in other part of this world and the news is showing how to create twitter. Seriously!
- guys in baseball attire are hot.
- it's amazing how much angrier I get when I get my period.

And that's my report.

_I'm tired. Can't believe I'm at dcon again.

2009-03-25T20:32:00.000-07:00

gw heran
bisa bisa mobil setop di tengah jalan terus pasang hazard wong jelas2 nggak ada masalah, cuman masalah pengen brenti buat ngambil barang di blakang. Minggir kek!
Terus sejak kapan orang mo belok kiri brentinya ditengah?
hhh.. LA traffic memang menyebalkan.

March 12, 2009

2009-03-13T15:22:00.001-07:00

All my life I wonder how it feels to lose someone. Being a sentimental and emotional person, I've always tried to imagine how it would go. And I have always ad a fear of not being able to feel anything when it actually happens. I've lost a friend before, and maybe vecause he was not a close friend, I didn't feel sad for the loss. At that time I felt horrible becuase I didn't feel anything. So that made me wonder if i'm even capable of feeling anything if that happens to someone closer to me.

As I was fighting the sound of my alrm this morning, I decided to actually looked at my phone and found 3 texts that have been delivered. 2 from my brother and 1 from my dad. Normally I would ignore any texts that I got if i'm not ready to be awake, but this time I read them... to found out that my grandpa has passed away. In my half asleep state, I pulled myself out of bed and turned on my laptop and called my mom. Busy. I called my dad and it was true. My grandpa passed away. At that moment nothing has sinked in yet. So I thought here we go, you emotionless girl, you don't even feel a thing and your dearest old man just left this world.

After hanging up, I went to the bathroom and washed my face. I went back to my couch, sat down, and I suddenly started shaking and weeping.

I was fine right afterwards. I was more frustrated that no one really know what happened. The only people who was there when it happened was my mom. And she was busy. About 45 min later, my mom called and as she recalled what happened, I just couldn't hold back the tears. Throughout the morning I had my burst of emotions. But I have been surprisingly calm towards the whole ting. It was as if i understand that it was his time. He died in the arms of my mom, and it seemed that he died painlessly and quickly. It seemed to be the right way to end it. Opa had lived a wonderful life. he had seen the world. He was a wonderful, funny, and intelligent man and I could not ask for a better grandpa.

The whole morning I was debating whether I should fly home or not. I mean, Bandung is about 9000 miles away from los angeles. It's not that simple to pack the bag and leave. Not to mention the thousand dollar cost of the ticket. Sometimes I wish i master the ability of teleportation so I can go home anytime I want. When my friend benny asked if I were going home, I told him probably not. But then he said "you have to, met. You were close to him."

Yes I was. Opa picked me up from school every day throughout my elementary and junior high school years. Everyone at school knew him. Especially all the moms who were there. there were moment where I took his kindness for granted and I got told by my friend of how ungrateful I was. I never forgot that moment. I told Benny, I think I'm afraid of my reaction when I finally see his body in the casket. I was thinking that just by staying in the state, I can probably make peace remotely. I felt like such a coward.

To distract myself from the frustration of deciding to go home or not, I decided to go to work. One of the reasons I wasn't sure was I didn't know when the funeral is going to be held. I thought there was no point of me going home if I can't see him before the funeral.

At about 10:35 in the office, after many texts and calls and plurks, i was on the phone with my uncle, who was telling me that he was going to go to LAX to try and catch the 2 pm flight. I got a rush of emotions again. I ran to the bathroomm. I wish someone would just tell me what to do. My dad told me I shouldn't come. My mom told me it's really up to me but it's not necessary. So I called my sister. She told me that if I could, I should. Mom needs me anyway. I think all along I knew I had to go home. But I was just looking for a way to justify it. I thought to myself that after everything that he did, the least I can do is to pay one last respect.

So I drove home as fast as LA traffic allowed me. Grabbed my passport and some clothes and left for LAX. Now i'm sitting on the plane, waiting for another 18 more hours of this plane ride and car ride that would take me to Opa.

Rest in peace, Opa. I love you always.

I cannot wait!!!!

2009-03-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

I jumped off a plane..

2009-03-08T21:41:00.000-07:00

and it was unbelievable!!!!

I fulfilled one of my life goals!

"Do You Ever Wonder..."

2009-03-05T17:13:00.000-08:00

"Oh Kiss Me...
Lick your cigarette and kiss me..
Kiss me where your eyes won't meet me.."

No You Girls - Franz Ferdinand

[this is def my song of the week]

2009-03-04T21:57:00.000-08:00

WOOOOHOOOOOO!!! Fabio won Fan Favoriteeeeee!!!! YEEAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Forbidden

2009-03-04T21:41:00.000-08:00

Things that are forbidden are very irresistible.

There are still about 33 days to go.
Hooosh!!

Concert Updates

2009-03-03T08:23:00.000-08:00

Meta wants to go to Mosaic music festival at esplanade to see George Duke and N.E.R.D!!!

Oh how i wish i was in Singapore right now.

-----------------------update-------------------------
And just found out from ndin, that Jamiroquai is coming to Sentul. Kyaaaaaaa... I want my JayKay!!!!!!!

"I must've died and gone to heaven
Cos it was a quarter past eleven
On a Saturday in 1999..." *singing*

On Traveling the World

2009-03-01T18:51:00.000-08:00

It's getting harder and harder to find the time these days to actually sit down and write. But this is the time and now I'm going to write.

About 3 weeks ago, I flew to Beijing to spend a week on vacation. It was definitely too short of a trip. There was so much to see and so much to experience. I really wished I had spent longer time there. But oh well. I planned the trip sometime late last year. Not knowing it was something I really needed. Beijing trip was like a feel-good pill prescribed by the doctor. Let's just say the weeks before Beijing has been really blah for me. Right before the trip, I was just craving for a get away, for a chance to forget everything that I deal with everyday and really just to recharge. So I flew there, and boy was it a good decision to go there. I saw so many beautiful things and I laughed so so much. Ketawa bego2an gaya guyon orang indo. That's definitely the one thing that I missed here. The things that make me laugh are normally silly things that Indonesians do or say but i haven't found that here. It's just different, I suppose. And then just a chance to catch up with good friend on everything, life, politics, relationships. It was just great.

And of course, I fell in love deeper with photography. I've been wanting to have a good DLSR since probably the first quarter of last year. But haven't gotten a chance to save enough money to buy it. So, i'm going to save money to hopefully get myself one by the end of the year. I realized that people's taste are really different. With photography, it's very much subjective, as much as objective. But just to be able to capture a moment and evoke and express emotions through the photos is just something so beautiful that I have to do that. It's another form of art that I definitely need to be involved in.

After Beijing, I came back here, and pretty much tried to get on back to my mundane life while adjusting to the jetlag. And when I finally was able to adjust back, I was shipped again to Lexington, Kentucky to do another audit. Oh dear. Here we go with the jetlag again. But I found kentucky didn't have much to see. Well maybe that was my fault for not really exploring the city. Don't blame me, I was by myself and working most of the time. So didn't really get to see the city. But what I really noticed was everyone.. EVERYONE.. was very nice. That's definitely something YOU DON'T SEE IN LA. So that was a nice change, and I definitely appreciate that.

Now i'm back again in California, the weather just has been wonderful, everything is so green and blue. It made me wish I had a camera to capture it all.

Before flying back to California, I decided to buy a book, Loving Frank. I'm almost halfway through the book, but so far it's on the top list of one of the best books I've read. Somehow in 2008, I haven't been reading much. I'm not sure why, I think mostly I didn't have the time to sit down and read and somehow reading lost its appeal to me. But this book reminds me in the first place why I love reading. Reading is another way for me to experience life, through its characters and stories. The book is about the relationship of Frank Lloyd Wright and Mamah Cheney. Before I picked up the book, I had no idea who Frank Wright is, but now I know. I realized he's one of the acclaimed architect of the 20th century. His most famous work is probably the Guggenheim. But because of the book, I started reading about him, and I honestly fell for his work. And that excites me and motivate me to learn more about architecture and all these fabulous individuals who have created some of the most famous buildings in this world.

The story also has a portion that was set in Germany. It talked about how forward is the art world in Germany, and that makes me wanna go there more. I think in one of my past lives I was a German. I've always felt so close to Germany, compared to other countries in Europe. Maybe because I've spent some time there while growing up. I'm not sure. But Germany always intrigued me somehow. I love its beer, its food. And I love German boys ;). Oh who doesn't!. I know they're not the most friendliest people in the world. but I feel like in this life time I need to go there again.

And that leads me to traveling the world. Oh if only I have all the money in the world, I would love love love to travel the world. Well, let's not go too far. Let's start with my motherland. I would loooove to go back to Bromo and hike up the mountain during sunrise and see the beauty of it. I would love to go back to Borobudur and really learn the store and appreciate the craftmanship of the whole structure. I would love to go to Lombok and inhale the fresh crisp air of the beaches and go to Bunaken and dive and see the wonders of the sea. Oh there are so many places to travel and experience. I am really getting anxious. I feel more and more the need to travel the world. To not settle down, and experience the beauty of the world.

Once I do that, then maybe I'll settle down and start a family. :). So we'll see.

2009-02-18T23:30:00.000-08:00

...want/need some lovin tonight.

missing piece

2009-02-16T19:45:00.000-08:00

Dear Lord,

Something is missing from my life. And I can't figure out what it is.
Please lead me to the right path so I can find that missing piece.

Amen.

Concert Update!

2009-02-16T19:09:00.000-08:00

Coldplay is coming to California in July 2009!! Woohoo!! I'm watching them!!!

Survival

2009-02-04T23:00:00.001-08:00

In this tough economic situation, we are all expected to be better and stronger. To be everything that a person could be. Good is no longer enough. What's expected is extraordinary. It's like darwinism of the 21st century. Survival of the most extraordinary individuals.

Honestly, I'm tired. Sometimes I wish I can just stop doing everything that I've been doing in the past 2.5 years and dedicate my life to help other people. Just so that my life would be more meaningful. I no longer have a purpose in life and to be honest it kills me slowly.

Let's all pray that this will be over soon so we can get back to focus on the more important things in life like family, love, and other simple things that really matter.

YAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAAYAYAY

2009-02-02T23:26:00.001-08:00

Avenue Q is coming to Orange County!!! I'm so watching it!! Who's coming with me?!!!!!!!

Oh Wow.

2009-02-01T23:03:00.000-08:00

This is Sting's daughter, Coco.

Man, if only I had a pinch of her talent, a.k.a. Sting's amazing talent, I would be the happiest person in the world.

Every Single Day

2009-02-01T22:53:00.000-08:00

Taken from ndin's

RULES of THE GAME
1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da - The Police
(.. hahah.. i guess i get tongue tied a lot :P)

2. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Yantra - Vanessa Mae
(i shall translate this as soothing qualities :P )

3. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Sleigh Ride - Ruth Sahanaya
(no comment. jauh banget.)

4. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Satu Hati - Peterpan
(haha.. i'll take that)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
So Sorry - Feist
(to apologize? not to say goodbye?)

6. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Dari Pulau dan Benua - Glenn Fredly
(haha yes, i'm an island girl ? :P)

7. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Sempurnalah Mimpiku - Mike
(I do think about dreams very often)

8. WHAT IS 2+2?
Viva La Vida - Coldplay

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Kangen - Chrisye
(yes yess!! I miss you all)

10. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Rock Lobster - B-52s
(Hahaha.. this describes Anthony pretty well)

11. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Oh Yeah - Daft Punk
(Oh Yeah!)

12. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Wide Awake - Emi Fujita
(.. nah.. i want to be asleep often)

13. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Breathe - Prodigy
(HAHAHAHA.. I think they will be trying to resurrect me when I'm dead)

14. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Pura Pura Cinta - Ada Band
(I WILL NOT play this song on my wedding)

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
What Are You Doing The Rest of your life - Fantasia
(oookay.. I guess sometimes I think about that)

16. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Dan Ternyata - Kerispatih
(hmm.. maksudnya apa?)

17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Perasaanku tentang perasaanku kepadamu - Dewa
(Hahaha this no longer a secret)

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Rock Music - Pixies
(yes, my friends rock!)

19. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Selamat Pagi - Dewa
(don't agree)

20. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Wrapped Around your Finger - The Police [certifiable live]
(Yeeessss I cry of longing everytime I saw Sting sings, especially singing amazing songs like this!!!! STTTINNNG marry meeee!!!)

21. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Alone and Easy Target - Foo Fighters
(I guess depends on the target)

22. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
I Could Have Danced All Night - Jamie Cullum
(YEEESSSS - I COULD'VE danced all night, or all the time!!!)

23. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Pertama dan Terakhir - Kerispatih
(ya iyalaaah.. mana mau gw mati dua kali)

24. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Insomnia - Tiesto
(Hmmm.. what does this mean?)

25. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Shut Up - Black Eyed Peas
(Hahaha I probably talk too much then)

26. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Bertahan Disana - SO7
(Hahaha.. jadi gak ada yang suka gitu? )

27. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Memang Ini Jalanku - Kerispatih
(gw takut menjalani jalan gw kali ya :P )

28. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Somebody To Love - Brittany Murphy
(hahaha.. will i love another person?)

29. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Every Single Day - Benny Benassi
(oookay)

2009

2009-01-31T00:26:00.001-08:00

2009 has started rather interesting.
I've just recently hit a low point. But with help of loved ones, slowly everything is getting better.
In terms of work, 2009 looks like it's going to suck. But with the help of the following things, I think I'll survive.

-Beijing Trip

-Coachella & Palm Springs

Yeay for good bands on the first night. I'm excited for Steve Aoki, Ting Tings, Peanut Butter Wolf, Franz Ferdinand, Noah & the Whale.

And yeay for lounging by the pool at palm springs!

-Portland - Crater Lake Trip (in the works)

-Seattle trip

-Possibility of Art Schools

a top chef quote

2009-01-28T22:25:00.001-08:00

"But I'm a chef. There's nothing that can stress me out. If they gonna give me monkey ass to fill with fried banana, I'll come up with something anyway. It's not a problem."

Hahaha.. i love Fabio! love love love.

Song updates

2009-01-26T22:49:00.000-08:00

I filled this out in 2004 here. I feel like updating it.

all the songs that..........................

Reminds you of an ex-love:
As Long As You Love Me - BSB *lol* -->still the same

* Reminds you of your best friend/s:
Sahabat Sejati - SO7

* A song for the one you love:
Hopelessly Devoted to You
Diatas Awan - Parkdrive

* Makes you cry:
If I'm not In Love with You - Faith Hill

* Makes you smile:
One Short Day - Wicked

* Makes you Laugh:
ASEAN scholar's banana song..."peeel banana.. peel peel.. banana" *lol* --> HHAHA.. how can I forgot about this.

*Reminds you of the one you once wanted:
Chasing Pavement - Adele

* You want your crush to sing to you:
Fallen - Lauren Wood

*You wish you wrote:
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
Diatas Awan - Parkdrive

* You never want to hear again:
Any Akon song

* Tune you want to get married to:
Not sure what song I would use for walking down the aisle, but my first dance would be to At Last - Etta James

* You used to hate but now love:
still can't think of any right now

* Reminds you of what you really hate:
none - I guess i have no hate in me right now. :)

* Song for the one you hate:
none - like i said, I guess i have no hate in me right now :)

* You like to wake up to:
Lukisan Pagi - Tohpati ---> still the same

* You love that you wouldn't know about if it wasn't
for a friend:
Radiohead songs

* Makes you think of someone who died:
Every Breath You Take - Sting/ The Police

* You sing in the shower:
Ya know.. i don't really sing in the shower that much these days

* You sing when you're alone:
Lately I've been singing All I Need - Radiohead

* You love the video more than the tune:
can't think of any

* You love which is from a movie:
All the songs from Slumdog Millionaire

* Makes you think of the moon:
Dream a Little Dream of Me

* Makes you think of stars:
A whole new World - Brad Kane & Lea Salonga

* Makes you think of the sun :
1234 - Feist
Summertime - the great Ella
Sunny Weather - Lisa Ekdahl

* Makes you think of the night:
Nearness of You - Chris Botti

* Makes you think of sex:
Sex on Fire - Kings on Leon
Pony - Far version *lol*

* Makes you think of being alone:
Use Somebody - Kings of Leon

* Has only been released recently but you love
already:
The Greatest Man that Ever Lived - Weezer

How much has changed in the last 4.5 years

2009-01-26T22:40:00.001-08:00

On July 29, 2004, I wrote this in this post:

Akhirnya ada orang Indo yang bisa (agak) dibanggakan.
Ada satu US state lawmaker dari Illinois yang namanay Mr Barrack Obama. Dia dijulukin Tiger Woods of America Politics. Kemaren dia baru deliver speech yang katanya "the most memorable convention speech in 25 years". Di speech itu dia ngomong "Well, I say to them tonight, there's not a liberal America and a conservative America- ther's the United States of America [...] There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America - there's the United States of America". Keren kan speech nya.. And guess what his stepfather is Indonesian. Hehehe.. I know it's really stupid actually to be proud of that, but I'd like to think that this Indonesian stepfather had raised his son to be this wonderful being. Therefore.. we should all be proud of this Indonesian stepfather.....

And the same person that I talked about 4.5 years ago is now the president of the United States. So much has happened in 4.5 years. It's amazing. I'm not going to say that he's going to change the World, or if he's going to change America. That, we don't know yet. But he had just proven that opportunities are there. If you just know when to seize it, anything is possible.

Brilliant

2009-01-24T22:45:00.001-08:00

Idioteque

2009-01-12T21:59:00.001-08:00

This song never fails to boost my energy/ stimulate my brain when I need a pick up if I'm tired of work. It relaxes me too or calms me down if I'm supper irritated or just simply angry/ furious.

2009 Resolution

2008-12-30T21:28:00.000-08:00

Since it's almost the new year in many parts of the world, I think I can start writing my 2009 resolutions.
I realized that this year I didn't really have real resolutions and I feel like I have not accomplish anything this year. So here they are, my 2009 resolutions:

1. Use moisturizer every day - hot or cold, I should just put on lotion so I have better, smoother, skin.

2. Use sunscreen or face moisturizer with SPF everyday. - Need to take better care of my face skin and I don't wan skin cancer.

3. Read more books - I really didn't read much in 2008. And that's unfortunate. I need to bring back my love of books. Need to read at least 1 hr a day.

4. Do more good - Need to donate more. Help more people. Do more volunteer work.

5. Eat better - More fruits and veggies. Less meat and sugar.

6. Exercise more - Whether it's the gym or hiking at the park, or climbing the stairs at work, I need to keep moving!

7. Research Art programs and start applying - MUST DO! No excuse.

8. Study for GMAT and Take it - Whether I'm going to use it or not, who cares. It's valid for 5 years. I can keep my option open.

9. Explore the world - Take more short trips to new places. Near or Far. Need to expand my horizon. Learn about new things and new cultures.

10. Meet new people and build more friendships - Just because we're meaningless without the people around us :).

Let's see how well I do at the end of next year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

Body Image - again

2008-12-19T20:06:00.000-08:00

I realized that I haven't ranted or complained about anything lately. So today, in the event of feeling crappy and horrible, i think it's time for this blog to get some dose of ranting.

So, people who live in LA will agree that LA people are not the greatest. A lot of people who live in the LA greater area can be conceited. And being the capital of the movie industry, LA press and fans, and common folks out there can be very viscious and judgmental in commenting on how much a celebrity weigh. People in LA is a little obsessed with how Oprah and Tyra weighs and also that girl from the new 90210.

But people in LA do not realize how good they have it compared to the people living in Asia....And I didn't realize how bad it is until my American friend pointed it out.

Since I was a toddler till my early teen years I was always very lanky and scrawny. I look back to my pictures from when I was 11 and 12 year old and I could cringe. And then puberty hit me. Instead of growing taller, I grew sideways. I went to a nutritionist when I was about 14 to 15 year old to help me lose weight. And then Singapore came and I just grew wider. Singapore, being the healthy-conscious nation, can't take fat people living in it. So I was a part of the fat girls club.. where I had to eat tasteless crackers and run around the school every recess. But I took it all with a happy heart. And then I came to the states. And I realize the importance of being healthy and eating well. So I started eating healthier things. And because of stress, my weight just started going down the drain by itself. But because of my past experience, I became so used to people commenting on my weight instead of saying hello the moment they see me.

It always went like this:
Mom: "Oh you remember xxxx" / "Oh look... there's xxx" (pointing to some relatives or friends or family or friends
The friend/ relative: "Omg! Is this Meta?! Why are you fat?" / "..you are chubby now!" / "You used to be so thin". (or any variation of the line)

Or.. this is what happened when I went to a Dentist in singapore:
Mom: "This is Tatya's sister. Do you think she needs a brace?"
Dentist: "I think you should get operated, It'll make you a lot more beautiful lah. So you get boyfriends".

OK seriously. Who the f*ck cares?? Or I mean Why do you care so much? And this is how I feel about living in Asia.

So today, even after I shed some weights, I went to friendster to see my messages and there was a message of my old friend. And the last line of it says "Why are you chubby now?"

And it's the same with my fellow country men here. So far in my almost 8 years living in the States there are 2 indonesian men that already made the following two comments:
- My butt is flat
- I'm not that pretty

Yes..Indonesians or Singaporean, and I bet other types of asians too can be very blunt. Comments like the above, when said here, can actually be considered offensive.

I am now pretty comfortable with my body. And I've grown to love how I look. I never want to be thin and skeletal. My idea of normal weight might still be too fat for some other people. But that's not their problem. I love the fact that I have fat on my body. And of course I want to have a body like Jessica Alba. But I don't want to kill myself in getting it. (btw, have you seen her post-pregnancy? It's a miracle. It's impossible, but she looked better than before she gave birth to her daughter)

I know I was fat before and these days my weigh just fluctuate depends on the season and my stress and emotional condition. I tend to be very thin in the summer and get fatter in the fall/ winter timeframe. But I still get upset when people make blunt negative comments about how certain people look, including myself. I think weight is a very personal thing. And to say that someone is thin or fat is offensive. I think there are other ways to encourage losing weight and living healthier without making snyde remarks. And the other thing is, comments like that are really bad for boosting self-confidence.

Being a woman, I'm probably never satisfied on how I look. I can love my body today and hate it tomorrow. That all depends on my estrogen level. But even today, when I complained I hate my calves, my boyfriend always reminds me how sexy they are. And on the days that I feel fat, my American friends will remind me that I'm really petite. So thank you all of you.

And yes, I know that I'm still very unhealthy. I need to exercise more. And eat more fruits. I'm working towards it. But bottom line is, someone else's weight is not your problem unles that person is clinically obese. Then you should tell him/ her to change his/her lifestyle for a healthier living.

Looking for

2008-12-03T00:19:00.001-08:00

Zoey Deschanel singing Baby it's cold outside from Elf. iTunes doesn't let me buy just the song. If anyone has it, let me know please.

2008-12-02T22:01:00.001-08:00

i know i've said it so many times, but i'm going to say it again. I think Fringe is absolutely amazing!! I don't know what goes on through the screenwriters mind when they're creating Fringe. ssoooo good.

Today

2008-12-02T21:48:00.000-08:00

today is the day that I feel carefree, dumb, and slow.
today is the day that I feel I should quit my job.
today is the day that I feel I should start doing something about my life.

but tomorrow is the day when I'll be back to trying to be careful, smart, and on top of everything
tomorrow is the day when i'll be back to doing my day job
tomorrow is the day when I'll not do anything about what I really want out of this life.

The 21st Century Art of Communication

2008-11-24T21:23:00.000-08:00

More and more we're flooded by the many social Networking sites. It's not just Friendster, MySpace, and Facebook anymore. There are now Twitter, Plurk, and Rapidfire. More and more even similar sites pop out left and right, like Ning. And also Yammer that is started to be used by companies. The art of communications have expanded from 'knowing how to communicate to set your presence' to 'knowing how to describe what you're doing and still set the right presence in 50 words or shorter, so that if your employer read this you'd still be employed'.

What's next?

17 July 2009

2008-11-24T21:20:00.000-08:00

can't wait!

One of my favorite movie quotes

2008-11-21T20:12:00.000-08:00

"So what's the big news then?"

"We've been given our parts in the nativity play. And I'm the lobster."

"The lobster?"

"Yeah!"

"In the nativity play?"

"Yeah! FIRST lobster."

"There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?!"

"Duh."

Hahaha.. love it

I wish for peace

2008-11-20T21:20:00.000-08:00

I wish everyone would just get along. So Al Qaeda posted a video that Obama is their enemy because he was a son of a muslim man but he decided to switch side to climb the ladder of presidency. Why does religion have to get involved? Why can't people realize all religions are the same. It teaches you to have faith for the greater good. And I hate that people use it as a reason to kill or hate other people. It started long before this. With the christians and their hunting and the pagans. And it just seems to never stop. We are always fighting thinking one is better than the other. People need to just stop fighting. Whatever faith you believe in, even if it's Science, doesn't change the fact that you are just a human, who doesn't mean anything without the other people that live around you. So stop hating each other and start accepting them because they are the ones who are going to make your life meaningful.

10 random facts about me

2008-11-15T19:39:00.000-08:00

tagged by Ndari.

I am messy. But I am clean. Messy does not mean dirty. My problem is just I don't like to put things back in their places. Especially if I get home late at night. I do clean them after the fact, normally during the weekend. But my place will never look like Martha Stewart's place. Far from it. And I can normally only tidy up my place on saturday or sunday morning if the Sun is out. If it's gloomy or cloudy, then... most likely I won't tidy it up.
I have zero-nil-zilch-enol skills in playing video games. I do have a DS. But honestly the game i'm best at is Brain Academy. When it comes to Mario or FF, I suck ass. I also suck at those racing games like Need for Speed or Mario Kart. I'm not bad at drums at Rock Band. I normally do pretty decent playing drums in Medium. I can definitely sing on Rock Band. Unless it's a Beastie Boys song, I can probably score 90% to 100% on other songs. :D.
My style is kitchsy. I like to pull random things together and wear them. I think converses will go great with ANY type of clothes. Including a ballgown. I would describe my style as a mixed of Urban Outfitters, Antropologie, and Gap. I wish I have money to buy designer clothes (don't we all). I love spring/summer dresses. I wish I could wear them all year long. I wish I am tiny so I could wear my mom's old clothes because I think she got a lot of great pieces. I wish I have a great back so I can wear more backless clothes. If I were to pick magazines that closely resemble my style it would be the now gone Jane. But Nylon is pretty close for now.
I am pretty horrible when it comes to eating right and exercising. I think going to the gym is painful, unless I'm going to a dance class at the gym. My exercise is dancing. But even then I haven't gone lately because of work. bah.
I absolutely hate rude inconsiderate drivers on the street. Drivers who think that the road is theirs. I get even irritated if the car they drive are big cars. Like er... busses!! and Trucks!! Most of the time I curse on the road.
I like huge variety of music. I don't like country for sure. I like music from Jazz to some Trashy Metal, only some. I don't like the hip hop music lately. Just like ndari, I do think most of them are crap. I still like a lot of the Pop-Hop (like Ne-Yo and Chris Brown). Most of the time I listen to rock. Alternative Rock to be exact. I like bands that are different. My favorite song currently is "Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon. Love love love.
I think of myself as a pretty creative person. I like to make gifts instead of just buying gifts. I always put a lot of thoughts on my gifts. I love dancing and drawing. I like doing scrapbook although I don't do it often enough. I like drawing on white canvas shoes. I should do that more often (oh and I love the Ed Hardy chucks. They're great!). I wish I can do art for a living and still make lots of money.
When it comes to art, I don't like commercial art. I don't dig classic european art. I'm not into realistic paintings. I think they are boring. I still appreciate the craftmanship that goes into them though. But it's just not my cup of tea. I like pop modern contemporary art. Art that's different. Sometimes the more abstract it is the better. I absolutely love Warhol. I think he's brilliant. I absolutely adore Jeff Koons. I love Roy Lichtenstein. Oh there's a lot. I think weird things are beautiful. Like I absolutely love my FishEye camera. I think the pictures are great. I love pictures with old 70s wash. I love lomography. I think it's brilliant. I love the LACMA. And I'm sad to say I haven't had any chance to visit most other contemporary museums of art. I would love to go to the gugenheim.
I LOVE BEER. Much more than I like hard liquor. I looooveee German and Belgian Beer. I think Bir Bintang is so lame. Heineken is not all that great. Especially Heineken light.. it's like drinking apple juice. I like flavorful beer. My favorite ever is Hoegaarden. I life Fattire too. I like Anchor Steam. I like microbreweries. I love the Hefeweizen from Taps. I think I'm really German in an Asian body. I love German food too. Ein Bier bitte! Ich liebe bier. I think I would like to have a German boyfriend. Tall, blue eyes, macho. *sigh*.
I like smart guys. He needs to be able to hold a conversation with me. I also love funny guy. My guy needs to be able to make fun of me and I need to be able to make fun of him. I like guy guy. Guys who like outdoor and camping (too bad my guy is not too much into that). I ABSOLUTELY CAN'T STAND GUYS WHO SHAVE THEIR LEG HAIRS. What the f*ck is wrong with them? Even if you're funny and smart and macho, if I knew you shave your hair, I would run the other way in a milisecond. I like guys with lean muscle. Not too big. Nice butt is always a plus. I CAN'T STAND GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE GIRLS. Those asian guys with long straight hair that covers half of their face, there's nothing more I want to do than CUT THEIR HAIR! I hate seeing guys carrying the girlfriend's purse (like most singaporean guys do). That is so lame. And I hate the gilfriends for making their guys do that. (And btw, all these does not apply to gay guys as I love them the way the are. )

i'm tagging jennifer, anes, meltje, vie and donna.

rules:

each blogger must post these rules.
each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.
don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog.

bookish

2008-11-14T13:10:00.000-08:00

Looking forward to read this book

Hello, bad boy.

2008-11-09T22:46:00.000-08:00

gotta watch Twilight... and read the books when i have time.

My Favorite Christmas Albums:

2008-11-09T13:09:00.000-08:00

- Ruth Sahanaya, Joyful Christmas (Luv luv luv her "Have Yourself a Merry Christmas", yang namanya Samuel Simonangkir itu suaranya top deh)
- Babyface, The Spirit of Christmas (his take on "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeers" is one of a kind)
- Diana Krall, Christmas Songs ("Jingle Bells,.. jingle bells.. jingle all the waaaay"... yep.)

I also absolutely love:
- The Manhattan Transfer's "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!"
- Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You" and "O Holy Night"

I'm ready for Christmas!!! ^^.
Now, I just need a little snow on my windows and some hot chocolate with chocolate liquor from Max Brener. Yum yum. :).

HUURRRRAAAYYYYY

2008-11-04T20:59:00.000-08:00

Congratulations, Obama. You are THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!!
EVERYONE can have a dream!!
This is a HISTORY!

I wonder how it feels to be Obama today!!

US Election

2008-11-03T21:58:00.001-08:00

can't wait to see the results! I just don't want to see Sarah Palin became a vp.

Being Political

2008-10-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I can't vote in the U.S. But here's a lil bit of my opinion:

- People should vote NO on Prop 8. We are all the same. God loves us the same, so why should we discriminate. Sadly, both Biden and Palin are against gay marriages. Boo on both of them!
- It's so sad that some people are saying if Obama won the election he would not make it to the inaguration.
- Some people are either racist or paranoid. The things that come out of their mouths about Obama are ridiculous.

ARGH

2008-10-08T17:23:00.000-07:00

Let me vent for a minute.

I hate having sensitive and bad skin. My skin suddenly breaking out again after I tried using Murad Acne products for 2 weeks. It's now 3 times worse than what it was before. The fact that I'm stressing out right now does not help either. And facial and dermatology consultants are so expensive here. Which sucks because I don't know if I should spend my money going to facials when the economy is going down the drain like this. BAH.

Secondly, I just don't get people. Ok, God created us to be unique in our own ways. So no two people are the same. So if I do one thing that is probably not somehting of your preference or taste, or if I do one thing that you don't approve of... that doesn't mean that I should start getting labelled as a bad person and think that you are somehow above me because I don't agree with your opinion. Ok, I might be a little sensitive today. But still, I'm irritated.

Blast from the Past.

2008-10-07T22:24:00.000-07:00

Yay for 90s Asian Pop!!!

Let me be a red-blooded woman for a second.

2008-10-06T21:53:00.000-07:00

I went kayaking this past Sunday in a group of 9 people, accompanied by 2 guides. One of the guides is very cute. VERY cute. Borderline hot. He was nice. Has great smile. He has brown lush hair; a little longer, not too short. Perfect height. Perfect stature. Not too built and bulky. Probably too skinny for most people. But I thought his physique was just right. Very sexy in his wetsuit. And when he took it off at the end of our tour, I thought I was gonna die. hahahaahahaha. Too bad he is married. Wwhhyyy oh whyy all cute guys have to be married??? That totally bursts my bubble. Bah.

fringe'd out

2008-09-30T21:26:00.000-07:00

I LOVE FRINGE!